子どもの誕生で試される夫婦の成熟度

公開日: 

けんか

 

行政書士 兼 離婚情報コーディネーターの中森です。

 

夫婦の関係が大きく変わったのは、子どもの誕生だった…というカップルは多いのではないでしょうか?

子どもの誕生を機に、夫婦だけで一緒に行動する機会はグンと減り、妻の夫への甘えも減少していき

ます。

 

◆性別役割と分業

子どもが生まれると夫には「安定的な収入を得ること」、妻には「家庭を守り子どもを育てる

こと」期待されます。そして、父親の不在が当然視され、周囲のサポートも十分に受けられない

まま子育てに孤軍奮闘する母親が、育児に強いストレスを感じることはめずらしいことではありません。

 

このよう「育児不安」は、共働きの母親に比べ、育児に専念している母親により強くみられる傾向

があります。育児が大事と思えばこそ仕事を辞めて家庭に入ったものの、育児は一生の生きがいには

ならないという認識もあります。そのため、育児に専念することと将来の自分自身の展望がつながらず、

アイデンティティ(自己認識)が揺らいでしまうのです。

 

◆父親不在

子どもが生まれると夫と妻の役割が固定的になります。「子どもは母親が育てるのが一番」という根強い

「母性神話」も父親不在の育児が容認される背景をつくっています。

夫の不在はやむを得ないことと思いながらも、妻は自分だけがという焦燥感不満募ります。

出産を機に退職した妻の場合、社会から取り残されたような気もします。

 

◆母・子ども VS 父

父親の影が薄い家庭の中で、子どもとの関係は父子よりも母子の間で、より強固なものになっていきま

す。夫と妻という関係から、「父」と「母子」が並立する関係に変化していきます。それを象徴するの

が就寝スタイルなのですが、子どもを真ん中に川の字で寝る、あるいは父親のみ別室で寝るようになっ

たという家庭も多いでしょう。

 

◆一卵性母子

母親と子ども、とくに母と娘との距離は「一卵性母子」と言われるほど近くなることもあります。

洋服の貸し借りをしたり同じ話題で盛り上がったり、まるで双子のように仲が良い母子の間に、

夫が入り込む余地はありません。

 

◆親として自分も成長する

子育ては、親として自分も成長したと感じさせてくれる体験でもあります。

思い通りにならない子どもを相手にしていく中で、物事を柔軟に考え、どうしようもないものを

受け入れる気持ちが育まれていきます。自分の考えを持つ大切さを実感する機会も多くあります。

夫婦がチームで取り組めば、夫婦関係を成熟したものへと導く契機にもなったはずなのです。

 

 

子どもの誕生はそれまでの大人だけの暮らしを一変させます。

子育てに時間と労力が割かれ、子ども中心生活になっていきます。この家庭の変化は、一般に

好ましいものとして受け止められています。しかし現状では子育てはほぼ妻の役割。

子育てを一任される妻の心に葛藤が生まれたり、母子関係が強固になほど夫婦間の距離が

離れがちになることは改めて認識しておくべきでしょう。

それが中高年になってから、夫をうとましく思う妻の心の底にあることは否めないのです。

 

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